Top 5 Friday: Exceptionally Silly Portrayals of Exceptionally Serious Characters

I like that video games in general don’t take themselves too seriously, and not as seriously as movies or TV shows tend to take themselves. It’s neat how the same character can be a monster killing badass in one game and driving a go kart or playing tennis in another. However, that type of “flexibility” just doesn’t make sense for every character, and sometimes it can jarring and downright ridiculous to see an otherwise serious character acting goofy. Here are five notable examples of this.

5. Kratos in Hot Shots Golf: Out of Bounds

Kratos HSG

Even before we first take control of Kratos in God of War, he has already massacred hundreds of people, including his own wife and daughter who’s ashes are now stuck to his skin as penance for his actions. Then, through the course of the series, he murders hundreds more – including gods – and does so in the most gruesome and violent ways possible. So what does he do when he isn’t committing mass deicide? Playing golf, apparently. And it’s not even like he shows up in a “serious” golf game, or one with a more subversive tone along the likes of an Outlaw Golf. Nope, Kratos takes to the tee in the Hot Shots Golf series alongside cutesy anime-inspired characters – as well as more appropriate Sony characters like Ratchet and Jax – on bright, colorful courses with bouncy music and bouncier announcers. Even more disturbing is that he uses his main weapon – the Blades of Chaos – as his club, the same weapon he probably just dislodged from the base of someone’s spine an hour prior.

4. Big Daddy in PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale

PS All-Stars

In BioShock, Big Daddies are meant to be an absolutely terrifying presence, nigh-unstoppable hulking behemoths that you are advised to hide from – and failing that, run like hell from – rather than ever being foolish enough to try to fight one head-on. You spend much of the game simply watching them slowly skulk around, hoping the light on their helmets remains green (you’re safe, they haven’t noticed you) rather than turning red (they know you’re there, you’ve pissed them off, and they’re about to drive that giant drill into your skull). To see them hopping around and lobbing missiles at the likes of Sackboy and Fat Princess doesn’t do much for their mystique and intimidation factor – nor does doing so in locations like Chop-Chop Master Onion’s pastel-colored 2D dojo. Not to mention that outside of the context of BioShock and their role as protectors of little girls, having the name “Big Daddy” sounds more like what a douchebag would name his tricked-out pickup truck adorned with bumper stickers about strippers and the Republican presidential candidate from three elections ago.

 3. The cast of Indigo Prophecy/Fahrenheit in Indigo Prophect/Fahrenheit

You don’t always have to venture to a different game to see a cast of characters being used in a way that is completely antithetic to their original design and intention. Sometimes, all you have to do is go into a game’s extras menu and open a video called “Da Hidden Dancefloor” to see the cast of a dark, complex, disturbing game dancing to bad 70’s funk music. And not only dancing to it, but doing so in their underwear as they grind on each other. It is such an odd juxtaposition when you consider how many of those characters were killed, killed themselves, had psychotic breakdowns, or any other number of twisted things happen to them on the same game disc where this half-naked booty-grinding parking garage dance party can also be found.

2. Maria Renard in Castlevania Judgement

Maria Castlevania Judgment

In the Castlevania universe, Maria Renard was orphaned after her parents were killed, and it was eventually revealed that she possessed great power. So great, in fact, that in a Rondo of Blood alternate ending she actually dispatches of Count Dracula herself. So it was already a mistreatment of her character in Castlevania Judgement to have her all giggles and puppy dogs and spouting lines like “I may be cute as a button but I’m tough as nails!” However, that isn’t even the worst part. As the story goes on, Maria begins to feel insecure and inadequate as she meets the game’s cast of sexy adult women, and more specifically – and ridiculously – she becomes obsessed with how big their breasts are and how small hers is. In one scene, she can’t even focus on what someone is saying to her because she is just staring in awe of the other woman’s rack, even remarking “They’re huge.” When the woman tells her that they just get in the way, Maria becomes enraged at the woman’s disparaging remarks of her “sacred gifts” and that anger is literally the catalyst for the two to fight. Sure, the whole point is that Maria eventually learns that it’s more important to be a pure soul and to be beautiful on the inside, and there’s no point to being sexy and big-breasted if it means being a rotten person, but it’s hard to take that seriously with lines like “Even the vampires have bigger ones than mine!” as we see an extreme close-up of jiggling, screen-filling boobs.

1. Pyramid Head in New International Track and Field

Pyramid Head TNF

If there’s one game that doesn’t have a single hint of humor or lightheartedness, it’s Silent Hill 2. That game is a dark, depressing experience from start to finish, with a cast of deeply tormented and/or horribly disturbed characters. At the center of it all is Pyramid Head, one of gaming’s most terrifying presences. The first time we see him, it’s through a keyhole from a dark closet as he appears to sexually defile another creature, and he spends the rest of the game stalking us as he drags his huge, rusty blade along Silent Hill’s rusty metal floors. It’s hard to think of a more head shaking decision than the one Konami made to take one of its most brilliant creations, reimagine him as a cute cartoon avatar, and have him be a playable character in a Track & Field game for DS – and alongside Frogger and one of the wrestlers from Rumble Roses – a game with a mud wrestling mode – no less. Sure, Solid Snake is in there, too, but the Metal Gear Solid games already have their fair share of intentional silliness, so it doesn’t seem as jarring to see Snake in a game like that. To see Pyramid Head running a sprint or doing the breast stroke definitely deludes his legacy significantly, far more than any bad movie or sequel ever could. Sure, I can only imagine how Konami has been and will continue to be pimping out its characters for pachinko machines and the like, but I don’t live in Japan so at least I don’t have to know about it.

About Chris Hodges (The Chi-Scroller)

I am a writer and blogger (and father) who lives in Chicago. I primarily write about video games, though I take occasional detours into movies, television and pop culture in general.

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