PC Entering The Console Wars

In a statement issued earlier today, Chesterfield McMillan, CEO of the PC, stated that the PC has, “every intention of entering the console market.”  In the statement, McMillan shares thoughts on the current state of the PC.

“There was a time when the PC was by far the most complicated gaming device on the market.  Signature features like crashes, required firm-ware updates, patches, and not being able to find the goddamn CD key when you have to reinstall Starcraft after you wiped your OS because stupid fucking Weatherbug destroyed everything, were things that helped separate the PC from its simplistic, just put the cartridge and actually play a game, console competitors.  In recent years though, consoles have taken great strides to complicate their systems.  These days it’s getting harder and harder for the PC to consider itself ‘King of the Clusterfuck’.”

McMillan again, on the subject of console advancements.

“We feel that the PC has become out of touch with today’s marketplace.  DRM hassles, issues over reselling used games, losing all of our consumers personal information, and of course PR nightmares are all big steps for consoles in terms of meeting gamer’s evolving expectations.  The PC is simply trying to stay relevant to what the gaming ecosystem is becoming.”

Cosnester Smiff, VP of operations delivered some additional information about the console itself.

“The console will be called the ‘PeeSea’ and will ship standard with an industry standard 200Gb IDE hard drive, Dolby 5.1 surround sound capability, a Blu-Ray drive, and a proprietary single core GPU with 500Mb of onboard DDR1 RAM.

The system’s OS requires an always-on internet connection, but not to worry, there will be a 80211.b WiFi adapter available at launch.  The OS also sports a great ‘app-store’ where gamers can install gaming related apps like Twitter and Twitch.TV.  The store will also feature some previously unavailable PC titles like the much sought after Angry Birds franchise.

Finally, we felt that certain PC genres were in need of some love in the interface department so we’ll be including a state-of-the art controller for your FPS and strategy gaming needs.  The controller will feature 42 mappable buttons, 3 analog sticks, backside touch sensitivity, an on-board haptic heartbeat sensation tracker, and full wired USB 1.0 capability.”

And finally, McMillan again, on the PeeSea’s launch and availability.

“We’re hoping the PeeSea makes a splash this summer.  We’ll be launching at what we feel is a competitive price-point of $699.  This includes a year of the service we’re calling ‘PC Double + Gold’ which allow users to access premium apps like Netflix, Hulu Plus, and Adult Friend Finder as well as chat with friends via our integrated AIM client.”

I must say, this is pretty huge news coming from the PC, although it’s not entirely surprising.  We’ll have to wait and see if this new vision for the PC can keep up with consoles.